Edward's birthday is June 20th. <-- That's actually redundant, because he's fictional. And she should have made it June 06th... Oh wait, he shouldn't even have existed at all! And by the way... * = taken from another source, a.k.a. Someone else's version.
May all Cullenists rejoice on this, the celbration of brother and patron Edward's birthday. We give our great thanks to the sage, Stephenie Meyer, for bringing us the story of Edward and Bella. We offer our prayers that, one day soon, the sage will share with us Edward's complete story, so that we may better know his heart and mind. ~ah Edward~
Edits/Rewrites (for the better) Edit
Cullenists Cultists of the Pixies rejoice on this, the celbration <-- (And yet you are several brain cells shy of an ounce of neural tissue) of brother bother and patron Edward Buttwart's birthday. We give our great no thanks to the sage hack, Stephenie Meyer, for bringing forcing upon us the 'story' of Edward and Bella. We offer our prayers that , one day soon, the sage will share with shall forever deny us Edward's complete story, so that we may be spared from the influence of his twisted, perverted, deluded heart and mind. ~ah Arseturd~
May all Satanists die on this celebration of Nazis and their patron Shitwart's birthday. We give no thanks to the moron, Stephenie Meyer, for ruining the Vampires. We offer our prayers that, one day soon, the moron will burn Edwart's incomplete story, so that we may better revile his heart and mind. ~ah Deadward~ *
Other versions: (If anyone wrote any of these versions, put your name down ASAP.)
May all Cullenists vomit on this, the castration of monster and fuckwad Deadwart's birthday. We give our great middle fingers to the moneygrubber, Stephenie Meyer, for bringing us the wank fuel of Edweird and Bella Sue. We offer our prayers that, one day soon, the sage will burn Deadward's complete story, so that we may never know his heart and
mind (he's a Cullen, so he has no mind). Fuck you, Twinkletoes~! :) *
Please throw me down the trash compactor, O great dumptruck driver who drives the truck where we Cullenites live our hidden lives away from the living world, furiously fapping to the great author Stephenie Meyer's masturbation guides, as we fight off that nagging feeling that we are lonely and even though attractive, retarded. As we celebrate a new day audibly masturbating at our pathetic love story. May you grace us with even more unknown
filth treasures that comes out of the weird hole where we entered this great garden of excrement that smells of Edward's 'glorious' urine unknown treasures.
-The Coven's Dumptruck Ramblings, Bella's 39:13, Book(s) of Masturbation Aid *